Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Greatest Sneeze

First the feathers flew in fluff
Till my nose had had enough
Blowing billows, filthy dust,
Rotten fibers, flaking rust,
Pollen from a dozen trees
All contribute to the sneeze
Grander blasts were never known
Nor a louder ever blown
Scared my granny up a tree
Caused the parking lot to flee
(Frightened looks on every face,
But I got my favorite space)
Shattered windows, woke the town
(The whole night shift lives around)
Till they called in the police
For disturbing of the peace
But they all had sneezes, too
So to them it's nothing new
"Everyone (now stand back please)
Has the legal right to sneeze."

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Dinner Prayer

The cook forgot to wash her hands
Old grease was in the frying pans
The milk is nearly three weeks old
And Uncle Bentley has a cold

Yet if I don't ingest a bit
They'll make an issue out of it
So hold my nose and here it goes,
The start of all my gastric woes:

Now I sit me down to eat
I pray the Lord near death to cheat
If I should die before I'm done
May someone dial 911!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Insect Wings

The wings of insects
Thin and light
Aloft will lift them
Into flight.
(I hope they're not
The kind that bite!)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Dust and smoke
Elm and oak
Sort of sick since spring awoke

Itchy eyes
Dander flies
Pollen count is on the rise

Cough and wheeze
Choke and sneeze
Pass me one more tissue, please!

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Strangest Day

The alpha wolf was running
She's the leader of the pack
("Bravo!" said cousin Charlie,
"It's so good to have you back!)

Delta sand muffled the echo
While I hid the foxtrot mare
Playing golf in my hotel room?
Didn't think I'd see you there!

India was full of colors
My canary, Juliet,
Eats white millet by the kilo,
Hasn't slowed her flying yet!

Lima beans were not my favorite
Mike adores them, Sara too,
But the chill of last November
Almost emptied my canoe!

Though the tank was full of oscars
Papa traveled to Quebec
Romeo hiked the Sierras
But he nearly broke his neck!

Foxes bite you when they tango
In a nurse's uniform
Still the patient was the victor
When the geniuses were born.

Whisky always flavored fruitcakes
X-rays showed no broken arms
So the Yankee and the Zulu
Did each other little harm.